The nice thing about Japan is that even a large city like Tokyo is not very "touristy". Or rather, most of the tourists are Japanese. So for the tourist from abroad, you get to experience the real thing. The bad thing about Japan is that even a large city like Tokyo is not very "touristy". That means that as a tourist from overseas, you must do as the Japanese, short of speaking the language. This means that one must expect and accept to be taken way out of their comfort zone. I don't recommend Japan as a first experience abroad, or if it is, then stay with a guided tour.
Sitting on a subway in Tokyo, expect to be the only non-Japanese. That comes with a feeling of being out of place and some amount of staring from the locals. Most of us are not used to being the "minority" so that alone makes us feel uncomfortable. If you already are minority, then this will not be a new feeling.
This also comes with a fear of doing something out of place and offend people. The operative word here is "relax". Or as my husband told me when I visited my (Korean) in-laws for the first time and was feeling like I would screw up if I merely took a step or opened my mouth (more pressure there than sitting among strangers on a subway), "it's OK, my parents realize you are a westerner and they expect you to do rude things".
While this might sound like an awful thing to say, it was actually the honest truth and meant to make me feel better. The Japanese just need to take one look at you to realize that you are not one of their own and they expect you to do things differently. I think the secret reason behind them staring at foreigners is to catch the odd behaviors and have a secret laugh. OK, now you can feel better about being in Japan. But the point is, they do not hate you, nor do they necessarily get offended.
That being said, do your best to remain within bounds of what is acceptable. And no matter what, be nice to people. Smiling is the universal language. The Japanese do not abuse kindness, so you can dispense it liberally (that feels nice). Learn a few Japanese polite phrases and even if that is the only Japanese you know, use those phrases. That will place the Japanese closer to their comfort zones around you, as they can at least have their ritualistic exchange of polite phrases. It also gives them another secret laugh, as you are trying your best to roll out a clumsy sentence with a heavy foreign accent. Also get into the habit of bowing. This is body language that shows respect. Of course, there will be many instances when you will bow when not supposed to, but it's always better to show too much respect than not enough.
And here is my tip for any time you find yourself in a foreign environment (whatever that may be). Take your time. Sit for a while and observe people. Start acting only when you get a sense of how they operate. Get in the habit of watching people. All the details. And imitate. That is what small children do to learn to live in society. As adults, we are not used to doing this, but with practice, it comes back.
I am not prone to culture shock, but some things did make me feel not quite at home. More pure "westerners" find it more difficult to adapt. Following is a list of a few things that may take some adjusting to.
1) The different alphabet. As educated adults, we are not used to being illiterate, but that is the feeling you must live with in Japan. You don't realize how much information we automatically take in while walking through streets until you walk through streets with signs that you can't read. Figuring out fare maps for the subway takes time, as they rarely have English on them. Always remember to relax and take your time. It starts making more sense after a week or so.
2) The driving on the left side. That makes riding a bus or in a car feel awkward and a little scary. In Tokyo, I nearly got into the driver's seat of a car by mistake once. It also means that people walk on the "wrong" side of the sidewalk. That is actually a bigger problem. Tokyo is always full of people and crowd circulation is an issue. In subway stations, you will actually see signs on the floor and on stair cases, indicating the direction of flow. It will take a few days, but always remember "when in doubt, move to the left". Many times, you will discover very quickly that you forgot about the backward flow thing when you find yourself faced with an onslaught of people running toward you and bumping into you. Things improve a lot once you have moved to the left side. Then you are running with people as opposed to trying to walk against the flow.
4) As I have already alluded to, you likely look different. Things are a little easier if you are tiny and dark haired, otherwise expect to tower over people. I can't tell what that feels like (I am of small to average height for Japan), but it must actually make being among crowds feel a little less overwhelming. But on the other hand, that means that you are likely to stand out.
5) Related to that is the utter lack of space (at least in Tokyo). Part of the issue is homes and trains built for small people, but also a concern with saving space. Even I have felt cramped at times. As someone who lives in the US, I had to adjust to streets being a lot narrower. It took me some time to work up the courage to walk down what looked to me like narrow alleyways where people get mugged. These were not alleyways, but regular streets. And mugging is not common in Japan. But everything is smaller. Ceilings and doorways are lower, bathroom sinks are low (even for 5 foot me), stair cases narrow and claustrophobic.
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| Hard to tell from the picture, but two small people could barely pass each other on these at a capsule hotel in Tokyo. |
6) And then there is food. For me, that was not an issue, as I am already used to Korean food and trying new things. But I heard from several friends that they missed having a nice, big chunk of meat on their plate. Japanese food is more fish based, or otherwise is vegetarian. They were not so hot on the tofu either and found it weird to have rice, fish and soup for breakfast. There is also a worry of not knowing what one gets, but that is alleviated by the fact that many restaurants have a show window where they display 3D plastic models of their dishes, with prices clearly marked. Or else, they have pictures.
7) If you don't know how to use chopsticks, learn before you go to Japan. They do not have any forks to give you and many times, not even a real spoon (they use chopsticks to eat their rice). If you can't master the use of chopsticks, carry a fork around, at the risk of attracting some more amused looks or some profuse apologizing.
8) Having to take off your shoes and the slipper etiquette. I find this one natural. What does not make sense, is to step into a house with shoes on. Or to walk around a toilet and then go back into the main part of the house without changing footwear in between. When you think about it, that's gross. That being said, it means that one has to think more carefully about everyday little things. It is very easy to forget to take off the restroom slippers when done, a MAJOR faux pas (no pun intended).
9) Another thing friends reported being uncomfortable with while we were in Japan was the fact that people in the service industry are too nice. It seems fake to them. Yes, it is fake, but it is their job. Let them do their job. If you respond by being as nice as they are, then you can turn that fakeness into something at least partly real. Their smile will become more natural if it is a response to your own smile. People in Japan also apologize for seemingly innocent things and way too profusely. That also is how they do things. Let them apologize as much as they need to. Repeatedly tell them it's OK (in English is fine, it's the thought that counts), smile and bow back until the apologizing is over. And no, you are not apologizing nearly enough, but it's OK because hopefully you are being nice to people and also, you are expected to do rude things.
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