Japanese etiquette 4 - Japanese baths

It's a shame to go to Japan and not try the Japanese bathing experience. To understand the dynamics of Japanese baths, one must remember that the Japanese are serious about cleanliness, live in tight quarters, and can't afford to squander their natural resources.

To keep the bathroom (or bathing area if it's a public bath) clean, the rule is that all you are allowed to bring in is your natural self, a towel, and any cleaning products you require (shampoo and soap are usually provided). No shoes, no clothes. Going in butt naked might feel awkward if you were not exposed to nudity growing up, but give it a shot. It actually becomes quite natural when everybody else is naked. The baths are almost always gender separated.

I have only been a few times, but it got me wondering whether Japanese girls are as self-conscious about their bodies as young American girls are. Seeing women of all ages interact in the most natural way in the nude makes one come to terms about not being a super model, or being a mother, or aging. Being a normal woman becomes, well, completely normal.

What to expect at a public bath or an onsen

Onsens are public baths where the hot water comes from a natural hot spring. I can only relate my experience of one (rather fancy one), but I am guessing it is probably pretty standard so hopefully this is useful. Also, this is for women, the men version is probably a simplified version (I'm guessing). The public bath is a good place to practice your "observe and imitate" skills.

When you arrive, you are given a small towel, a big towel, and a locker key. When you go in, you find small lockers to leave your shoes in. And then larger lockers to put your clothes and belongings in. There are stations with blow dryers, and other toiletries that you can use to remove your makeup before the bath and for drying and grooming afterwards.

Take off all your clothes and wrap yourself in the big towel. If you are brave, you can leave the big towel in the locker and use the small towel to hide the front. That's what most Japanese do. They like to keep the big towel dry for drying after the bath. But you can take it with you into the bathing area. You can find places to leave it where it won't get wet.

Go into the bathing area. You will see a nice, inviting hot water bath. Resist the urge to jump in. Instead,  look around and you will see showering stations with little stools and buckets. Start there. Find a place to leave your big towel and take your small towel with you. That one is meant to get wet and has multiple purposes. Wash yourself thoroughly, then get into the hot bath. It's OK and common to bring the small towel into the hot bath. From there it's a straight shot to heaven.

So what do you use the small towel for?
1) to preserve a shred of modesty
2) you wet it with cold water, fold it up and place it on top of your head. That looks funny, but everyone does it. It keeps the head cool, helping you not get too warm in the hot water (which is typically a little above 40 degrees celsius, that is 10 degrees farenheit above body temperature). By the way, if you start feeling too warm, get at least partly out of the water. And don't soak for too long.
3) Alternatively, you wrap it around your head, I guess to act as a hair net. I have done something completely illegal and applied deep conditioning to my hair and then wrapped it in the towel before going in the hot bath. The hair comes out all silky afterwards. That's probably OK to do, as long as you keep the head and the towel out of the water.
4) you use it to dab yourself dry at the end so you don't get back into the locker room dripping wet (that is if you did the gutsy thing and left your big towel in your locker).

When you are done soaking, your can rinse yourself if you like, dry yourself, then go back into the locker room. There are places to leave the wet towels when you are done. Return your locker keys on your way out.

(Semi) private baths

My only experience here is that of a common bath at a hostel. The rules are similar, except the hot bath is a big, square bathtub instead of a pool. If you are there alone, you will have to take off a panel or two that is layed on top of the tub to keep the water hot. Only one hot bath is drawn for the evening, so you have to mind 1) keeping it clean and 2) keeping it hot. That means evidently that you need to wash yourself thoroughly before going in and that you only uncover the water for the amount of space and time that you need.

OK, so this is where we get to the hot bath etiquette.

Big don'ts

1) Go into the changing room with shoes on. Obviously, going into the bathing area with shoes on is even worse.

2) Go in with a swimsuit on or even worse, underwear. I saw someone get into the bath with her underwear on and you would not believe the thoughts that go through one's mind at that point. It's not pleasant. No-one said anything, but I am sure the Japanese were fighting the urge to get out of the bath quick. If you can't deal with nudity, then skip the Japanese baths.
3) Go into the water without having washed first.
4) Get caught wearing deep-conditioner while in the bath

Japanese etiquette 3 - slippers

The slipper etiquette is not difficult, if you're a physicist. Let me begin with the underlying principles:

• The goal is to keep clean areas clean. In rank of dirty to cleaner, we have: 1) Outside and the toilet, 2) the main home, 3) the bathroom (where one takes baths)
• Whenever there is a change of level between areas, that's a signal for a change of footwear. The cleaner area is at a higher level than the dirty area. This brilliant technique avoids the tracking of dirt into the clean area.

And that's all a physicist needs to master the slipper etiquette. For the rest of us, let me spell it out some more. 

1) When you step into a home, take off your shoes. In a traditional home, you will see a change of level, with the living quarters floor being elevated compared to the entrance. You may or may not be offered a pair of slippers. Step on the higher floor only after you took off your shoes. Try this at home too. Keeping your floor clean will become a lot easier and carpets will last longer.

2) If you open the restroom door and find a pair of slippers waiting, change into them before using the restroom and don't forget to change out of them when stepping out (that's the hardest part).
3) In the bathing area, you need to go in barefoot.

Rubber slippers to change into when going into the restroom

Some additional tips for your own comfort while in Japan. If your feet are unusually large (as they probably are if you are a man) or unusually small (a US size 5, sadly, is small even in Japan), consider bringing your own slippers. It's hard to walk with slippers that won't stay on your feet and I won't mention the inverse, embarrassing predicament.

Japanese etiquette 2 - at the table

A typical Japanese meal might present itself like this:

Traditional Japanese breakfast. It's just another meal, except rice is often in the form of porridge because it's easier on the stomach early in the morning. That morning, I felt like regular rice. The side dishes for a Japanese breakfast are prescribed. Fish, miso soup, egg omelet being staples.

It's rice, some side dishes, soup, and pickles.

The idea of the side dishes is that they complement the rice. They are often in smallish quantity and taste strong on their own (though Japanese food is much more understated in that respect than Korean food). The idea is to pick a bit of a side dish and eat some rice with that. The bland taste of the rice balances out the strong taste of the side dish. You alternate that with sips of the soup.

Here is a mix of tricks and table manners I picked up from watching people, the internet and Japanese friends. Some are also Korean imports.
1) In a semi-formal to formal setting (or just for fun with close friends), begin your meal with the phrase "Itadakimasu" (the final "u" is mute).
2) If it's in a flat dish, leave it on the table. If it's in a small bowl, pick it up. Soup comes in a bowl (obviously), so does rice. Many times, there is no spoon for the soup and even less for the rice. How do you eat soup with chopsticks? You don't. You pick up the bowl and slurp the soup. You use your chopsticks to pick up vegetables, tofu cubes and other solids present in the soup. It's similar with the rice. While it is sticky enough to be picked up with chopsticks, it's difficult to get the rice from the table to the mouth, so you bring the bowl up to your face to eat.
3) During the meal, if you need to set down your chopsticks, lay them flat on the table or across a dish. DO NOT stand them up in your rice bowl. That makes them look like incense sticks at a funeral. Needless to say, not happy thoughts and for a superstitious people, probably also a bad omen.
4) If you are the younger one or want to show respect, pour tea for other people at the table. If someone pours for you (more likely as you are probably the guest), present your cup holding it with two hands or touching your arm with the hand that is not holding the cup. By the way, presenting and receiving is always done with two hands.
5) If you want to look Japanese, hold your tea goblet with two hands when drinking.
6) Save the pickles for the end of the meal (saving some rice to go with them). That's not a must, but I read that's what the Japanese do (I could be wrong).
7) Clean out your dishes. If you are at someone's house, that is particularly important. If you are at a restaurant, expect the unfinished food to stay on the table until you essentially get up to leave. In the US, the wait staff will sometimes take your plate while you are still eating (it's happened to me - I am a slow eater). This will NEVER happen in Japan. That also means that, as a friend put it, if there is something you don't like and are leaving aside, that food will stare at you until the bitter end of the meal.
8) At the end of the meal, when leaving the restaurant tell the wait staff "gochisosama deshita". It's even better with a bow.  A less formal version is simply "Gochisosama".

If you are having ramen (chinese noodle soup) instead of a japanese meal, slurp your noodle soup like there is no tomorrow. That is if you can do violence against years of training from your Mom telling you not to slurp your soup. Slurping makes it taste better and expresses satisfaction with the food. Both are compliments to the chef, who worked hard to make a tasty bowl of noodles for you and would hate to see it go to waste because not slurped properly. If you can't stomach pork fat, stay away from ramen noodles.

Japanese etiquette 1 - on the subway

You made it on the subway. People are catching side glances at you or staring and you are dying to blend in, or at least you don't want to do anything offensive or embarrassing.

Perhaps part of the reason why I enjoy Japan is because people follow rules. I was raised in the Swiss culture, where we follow rules religiously. The saying goes that at least in the "German" part of Switzerland, whatever is not forbidden is mandatory. So I feel comfortable in places like that.

But if you don't know what the rules are, then it can be very uncomfortable. Not to worry, the subway etiquette is fairly simple. What makes it hard is that you can't rely 100% on watching people, as some of them are behaving rudely.

Here goes for the subway rules:
1) Do not talk on the phone. If you really want to blend in, do pull out your phone, and text (or surf the web). Fake it if you don't have service in Japan. It's OK to talk with travel companions, but quietly.
2) Do not eat. The exception might be on a long train ride, when it's lunch time and people take out bentos or start munching on onigiris. In general, it is poor etiquette to eat standing up or walking, or out on the streets.
3) Ladies, no applying makeup. Men, also please refrain. I made a discreet exception for lipbalm. As far as I could tell, that was OK. If you must blow your nose, try a discrete dab instead (turn your head away from people).
4) Amazingly, in the land of respect for the elderly, you are not expected to give away your seat for them, with the exception of "priority seats", which are labeled as such. These are supposed to be given up for the elderly, pregnant women, parents of young children, and handicapped people. That rule is not always obeyed. If you give up your seat when you are not expected to, expect a barrage of apologizing and thanking. But do insist. Remember what I said about being nice to people (my first post in this blog).